Actor John Barrowman has opened up about contemplating taking his own life after he was ‘cancelled’ following allegations that he exposed himself on the set of Doctor Who – but he has since made a career comeback
John Barrowman has said he drove to the desert and planned to take his own life. The actor and presenter found his career grinding to a halt in 2021 after allegations that he exposed himself on the set of Torchwood, but in recent years has made a comeback.
The star, who has just one on-screen credit since the allegations emerged, has opened up about the impact the claims had on his mental health. But while sitting in his car in the desert in Colorado, one message from a fan flicked a switch in Barrowman’s brain, which made him return to his home in Palm Springs.
A fan had asked him to record a message on the Cameo app, in exchange for cash and made John completely rethink things. However, for the 58-year-old, driving out to the desert became something he did on several occasions.
He explained that he drove to the desert several times in order to “figure out” how he was going to take his life and didn’t tell anybody. In a new interview with the Mail he said: “You’re looking at the dashboard of the car, and you’ve got your head in your hands, and you’re thinking’, How am I going to get out of this? I don’t see myself coming out of this.'”
He added to the Daily Mail: “You don’t see what’s around you. You’re just focused on where you are at that moment, and I’m thinking, ‘Can I drive the car into something? Can I pull into traffic and go head-on into something? Can I drive it off the edge of a cliff?’ Unfortunate thing: I’ve got a Tesla. It will stop.”
After the allegations emerged, John, who was also a judge on ITV’s Dancing on Ice, was instantly dropped. He claims that the BBC never approached him to ask him about the claims but instead “shut it all down”.
Now, four years after the claims came to light, John is once again starting to see his career pick up. Last year, he appeared on Celebrity SAS: Who Dares Wins and also appeared in the UK theatre tour of Laid Bare. This year, he’s back on stage in a new show, Camp as Christmas, which has been a hit with fans.
In his memoir, Anything Goes, released in 2008, he explained that he and a co-star often flashed the cast and crew on set. John wrote: “My co-star’s breasts are known as ‘the girls’, and my naughty bits are ‘the boys’. Whenever we’ve had too many night shifts in a row, or when morale needs a bit of a boost, the boys and girls come out to play.”
He also added that he exposed his bare bum “when the set is feeling dark.” Concerns were raised with the Torchwood exec producer, who ordered Barrowman to stop exposing himself on set.
Speaking previously, John explained that he had been in therapy for his feelings. During an interview with Scotland Tonight, he said of the flashing allegations: “I don’t regret anything. It’s not so much regret; it was something that was stupid and silly, and it was done. I don’t look back because at the time, everybody was laughing. Everybody on set was having a laugh.”
If you’re struggling and need to talk, the Samaritans operate a free helpline open 24/7 on 116 123. Alternatively, you can email jo@samaritans.org or visit their site to find your local branch
The Mirror has approached Barrowman’s spokesperson.
Source: Mirror
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