Gregg Wallace and John Torode are no longer on MasterChef, but Jessica Boulton’s brutal rundown of the showbiz week reveals the EIGHT stories you should be talking about instead. This includes the only cancelled BBC star who actually deserves our tears.
Jessica Boulton, a columnist for the Daily Mirror, presents Jess Saying, her wry, funny, and slightly whimsical analysis of heroes and villains, winners and losers, and the outright outrageous showbiz shenanigans that keep us amused this week. Where else is a better place to start than….
JUSTICE FOR BBC ICON MONDAY
I’ve always considered myself to be woke. I’m left-wing, open-minded and look good in red (in the UK, definitely not in the US). I’d fully support trigger warnings on Bambi and The Lion King. And I’d argue there should be one on Titanic (for “scenes of disturbing door hoggery”). But this week I’m afraid to say, even I think the woke world has gone too far. For a true BBC icon has outrageously and undeservedly been cancelled. It’s a sad, sad state of affairs after 30 years of excellence. But it’s a sign of the times: one day everyone loves you and the next…you’re persona non grata, written off as a bad fit for the Gen Zs of today (who don’t watch TV anyway, so why are we pandering?). So which iconic BBC veteran has been tragically stripped of work this week? Clue: they first appeared in 1995 – and won millions of fans overnight. Yes, you’ve guessed it. There’s only one BBC star I’m weeping for: Mr Darcy. Well, his Wet White Shirt, to be precise.
For three decades, the sterling performance of Colin Firth’s infamous Pride and Prejudice shirt has never been equalled. But its outstanding contribution to entertainment has now been called into question – over fears it’s been objectifying men. Yup. It’s true. Some buttoned-up bores at Netflix are currently debating what’ll make the cut and what won’t in their upcoming P&P remake.
READ MORE: MasterChef bosses decide BBC show fate for coming years after show scandal
Considering Slow Horses’ Jack Lowden is the new Darcy (alongside The Crown’s Emma Corrin as Lizzie Bennet), I was FERVENTLY in support of the decision to completely remove the Wet White Shirt, at first.
But then I realized I had the wrong handle. I’m only teasing of course. I’d like to draw people’s attention to two minor things, though:
POINT 1 What else would Netflix need to change to fit a more ‘ 2025-friendly ‘ adaptation? After my woke rewrite, Jane’s famous first line undoubtedly loses a certain quality:
A single man, sorry, dependent-free gender-neutral person who has a disproportionate amount of wealth thanks to genetic privilege and the unjust dominance of patriarchy must be in need of a wife, or a loving relationship that equally fulfills the needs of both you and your consenting partner(s), but does not necessarily adhere to any societal expectations.
And POINT 2: ……Season 2, Episode 5 of NETFLIX’S Bridgerton. Look familiar, guys?
NAKED AMBITION TUESDAY
The Primetime Emmy nominations are finally in! Adolescence was the UK’s biggest contender this year – with nods including Best Actor for Stephen Graham and Best Supporting for 15-year-old Owen Cooper (I’d argue it should be reversed).
Meanwhile, leading the way with a mindblowing 27 noms was Apple’s truly genius Severance – a drama in which people clock off at 5pm and all memory of work from that day is completely wiped. (You can decide for yourselves if that’s a good thing or not.)
The most delightful Emmy news of all? Nobody Wants This, with my all-time celeb faves Adam Brody and Kristen Bell, landed nods for best comedy series, actor and actress. It was an achievement Kristen’s hubby Dax Shepard immediately celebrated with this pic – of Kristen’s naked yoga workout.
I’m not married, so maybe I’m wrong… But should Dax really have gone so very public with his congratulations? A great big bear bare hug may have been the better choice.
WEDNESDAY END OF TORODE
Talking of draaaaaama and cancellations… it was all going off the boil at MasterChef this week. Just days after Gregg Wallace was given the heave-ho after vowing to fight the dozens of allegations against him, his co-star John Torode was ALSO left with egg on his face. Torode was accused of making a racial slur – said to be “the worst word possible” – in a social setting some years ago. Torode denied it. But it left Auntie with a sour taste, so he was sent packing with a P45 as well.
The poor BBC now has an entire as-yet-unreleased pre-recorded series of MasterChef with not one but TWO disgraced hosts. That’s got to be tough to swallow. It also explains the reasoning behind one of its latest new hires. For even wholesome Blue Peter has had its share of scandalous stars…
So when faced with finding its latest prestigious presenter, the Beeb hired someone who’s been nothing but a safe pair of hands their whole career. Some might even go as far to say he’s the perfect corporate puppet.….(see below).
INSULTS FISHING? THURSDAY
Gregg and John might be in for a grilling over their alleged behaviour, but another under-fire celeb, Sacha Baron Cohen, was probably feeling a little, um, roasted this week. Yes, his actress ex-wife Isla Fisher has not had the most amicable of splits with Da Ali G and Borat actor. So some social media users took her quip on Instagram to be a tiny dig at his expense (literally). The Confessions Of A Shopaholic star wrote: “For all the men who say ‘Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?’, here’s an update for you. “Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage. Why?
“Because women realise it’s not worth buying an entire pig… just to get a little sausage.” No porkies there! I’d rather bring home the bacon alone than be stuck with a man who’s the literal wurst. So, bravo, Isla! That took proper chops.
FRIDAY FACTORS
You can’t make this one up. And to be fair, whatever you say about Katie Price, at least she can take the mickey out of herself. Which is why she’s made a startling admission this week. Apparently Katie was travelling and got pulled over by security at passport control – because she’s had so many trips under the knife, the scanners couldn’t recognise her passport photo. Yes, Katie might have been accused of being two-faced in the past, but, as she’ll admit herself, she’s been through at least 10 of them now. On the upside, it’s something to add to her CV next time she’s bankrupt. After all, everyone wants their staff to multi-faceted nowadays.
PICTURE OF THE WEEK
She’s always been a woman with Klass. So it’s good to see Myleene hasn’t let her newly-award MBE go to her head. Ahem.
Yes, Myleene received the award this week for her tireless charitable work, which included raising awareness of the emotional impact of miscarriage. But it looks like the Hear’Say singer might be taking the honour a little too literally.
For the morning after receiving the medal – alongside fellow honouree Leona Lewis OBE – Myleene posted this bathtime snap.
Um …. It looks like you’ve got a little something in your hair, Myleene. To be fair, there were potential problems. She might have posed for a photo of her in her tiara. sitting on the throne.
JESS A QUICKIE
Myleene’s not the only one having some bathroom fun. Charlotte Crosby decided to promote her new fiction tome by sitting in a bath of books. It makes sense: she’s always swimming with novel ideas.* *Sorry I couldn’t help myself
Do you share your opinion? Tell me about it in the comments or via IG/X @JessicaBoulton.
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Source: Mirror
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