A row with the mother-in-law is a story as old as time, says Fleet Street Fox. But if you’ve got a problem with her, why are you marrying her son?
There is a terrible myth at large in the world that a wedding day is the most important 24 hours of your life.
The sun must shine, the traditions must be obeyed, everything must be perfect or the union is doomed. I blame Disney, and the Brothers Grimm, and all those fairytale endings where the prince’s kiss brings a heroine to life, and there’s a lovely big dress which makes everyone forget the necrophilia.
It’s why people who cannot afford their own home spend thousands on a party. It’s why ‘bridezillas’ are a meme. The stress, the thousand different things that can go wrong, from rain to a dropped cake, all require a level of organisation which makes the state opening of Parliament look half-hearted, and the sort of rows which lead to permanent familial exile.
No-one is immune – see Meghan and Kate, or the Peltz-Beckham feud, for details. And to the list we must now add former Olympian Adam Peaty and his fiancee Holly, daughter of celebrity chef Gordon Ramsay, who are subject of reports that they have banned his mum Caroline from attending their nuptials.
Apparently, the bride disapproved of the mother-in-law’s suggested frock, and plans to buy her a new one collapsed when the trains were cancelled. Apologies were allegedly demanded and not forthcoming, and now the Ramsay PR machine is competing with the wider Peaty family’s pronouncements on Instagram as to who was in the wrong.
Of course it’s none of our business, and none of us know the truth. But we’ve all been to a wedding like that, and just about everyone has had a petty family row that blew out of proportion. The Peaty-Ramsay ruck is a proxy war for millions who are picking a side, and everyone has forgotten the fundamental point of a wedding.
It is only the beginning. And it has zero impact on the next 40 years.
None. Nada, zilch, zippo. It can rain, you can break a heel, you can wed in trousers or a meringue or a second-hand T-rex costume, and none of it will make the tiniest difference to your chances of staying the course, or not succumbing to crippling disease, of finding wealth, of raising healthy children, of growing old together. You are as likely to hit the rocks whether you’ve spent £200 or £2million. The only thing that DOES make a difference, and which is backed up by long-term studies, is kindness.
READ MORE: Adam Peaty met by police at airport from stag do amid family row
Psychologists will talk about compromise and shared values and conflict resolution and blah blah, but over 40 years of career knockbacks, financial worries, childbirth, bereavement and changing social mores the only thing that’ll keep you talking to each other isn’t managerial skills, it’s just being kind to each other. That’s crap, how can I help, do you need a hug? And that kindness extends to the in-laws. Because you can ban them as much as you like, but they’re not going away.
They will remain in your partner’s face, mannerisms, character and mind. They will be in your children’s eyes, curls, and interests. Unless invited, they’ll be the spectre at every feast, every Mother’s or Father’s Day, every birthday, a constant tickle of resentment that someone, somewhere, always feels. And at some point, inevitably, there’ll be a funeral to which people will or will not be invited, will or will not deign to attend, and the knowledge that you’ve spent what little lifetime we all have in a snit about something that was entirely inconsequential.
The real risk to a marriage’s happiness isn’t whether the mother-in-law wears the right shade of pink to match the bridesmaids. The risk comes from looking at the person she raised and hating half of them. Tell me: if you think the in-laws are that bad, why are you marrying into them? Why pass their genes on to your own children? Why tie yourself for a lifetime to people you can’t stand, and who you will never be able to fully escape?
Your prospective spouse might need a kidney one day, and yours won’t do. They might come to resent lost years, and children might one day ask you why it all came about and the answer will make you sound like a dick. Or, in the case of any offspring of the Beckham, Windsor or Peaty clans, they’ll be able to Google it and reignite the whole thing whenever they please.
It does not suit wedding planners, venues, dressmakers, florists, bakers, hoteliers, vintners or manufacturers of silly little bags to tell anyone that the entire enterprise is a waste of time. After all, the UK wedding industry turns over billions. It wouldn’t if people realised it makes no difference whether you have 50 guests in a pub on a wet Tuesday afternoon, or a thousand people in feathers in a summery stately home.
But then no-one would get married at all, if they were told that this was the best it would ever get. That from here on, age spots, waistlines, disease, trauma, car accidents, bereavement and dementia will have more of an impact than what flowers were in the bouquet. Marriage is like life, and hellish if you don’t have a friend to share it with. Weddings are an attempt to wave a magic wand and make it a perfect union, even though the only thing you’ll definitely both experience at the same time are his farts.
Source: Mirror
Leave a Reply