In a candid interview, James Middleton, the Prince of Wales’ brother, details how he interacts with his sisters Pippa Middleton and Kate Middleton.
Family has never been more important to the Middletons than over the past 12 months as they’ve rallied to support the Princess of Wales after her cancer diagnosis. Kate, 43, emphasised a message of “renewal and resilience” herself this month when she urged us all to reconnect with nature during a personal video filmed on her recent wedding anniversary trip with William, Prince of Wales.
Recording it as part of a Mental Health Awareness Week project, the mum-of-three said nature had been her sanctuary over the past year, and called spring “a season of rebirth, of hope and new beginnings”. The similarities between his and sister Kate’s approach to life are undeniable as Kate’s younger brother, 38, discusses his emotional and sometimes heartbreaking memoir Meet Ella with the Mirror.
The youngest of the three Middleton siblings also reveals how deep their familial bonds are in this exclusive interview, and he praises his mother Carole and sisters’ resilience.
“I’m incredibly fortunate to have my two sisters, Catherine and Pippa, not just as siblings, but as friends”, he tells us. They have always been there when I needed them the most, and they have always seen me at my best and worst.
” Sibling love is something unique, you can’t choose your siblings, it can be complicated, it takes work, but when it’s strong, I believe it’s one of the most powerful bonds there is. “
James says, his sisters played an integral role in shaping the person he is today. The three grew up in Berkshire with their business owner mother Carole, 70, and former British Airways manager Michael, 75.
The trio were” infinitely fortunate “to grow up in a home full of love and laughter, James says, and he pays particular tribute to the three women of the house.
” They’ve always been emotionally open, expressive, and in tune with the people around them, and I think being surrounded by that kind of emotional intelligence rubbed off on me, even if I didn’t fully realise it at the time, “he says.
Looking back, I believe it in some way made me feel more deeply. That doesn’t mean I always found it easy, in fact, like a lot of men, I struggled with expressing how I was really doing, especially when I was at my lowest.
“But having strong women who led with compassion and honesty around me helped me realize that vulnerability was more than just weakness, it was strength,” she said. It probably laid the groundwork for me being able to open up later on, whether in therapy, writing the book, or just in honest conversations with the people I love. I’m incredibly appreciative of that.
Kate showed her strength of leading with compassion, as James put it, at last week’s Buckingham Palace garden party – her first in two years – when she spoke to the family of aspiring teenage photographer Liz Hatton. Liz was pictured hugging Kate just weeks before she died of an aggressive cancer in November last year.
The princess told them, “I hope you weren’t overwhelmed. When you are in the spotlight, it must be challenging. If you need any help fundraising, maybe I can help. Really, please stay in touch.
In his memoir, which was released in September, James, who wed French financial analyst Alizee Thevenet in 2021, exposed his vulnerability.
His story, of course, shows an incredibly privileged childhood with a prep school education and foreign holidays, but it also goes into detail about his descent into depression and mental health crisis.
What he calls his “darkest night” in November 2017 as a major turning point in his story. He was “void at my core”, feeling misunderstood and emotionless. Meet Ella: The Dog Who Saved My Life was Ella’s motivation for not committing suicide.
There are lighter moments in the book, too, such as the time he suffered what he remembers as a “blind panic” when meeting Queen Elizabeth II and Prince Philip, and addressing them by the wrong titles (and seeing “everyone in the room stifling giggles”).
And when Ella was given special privileges to stay in James’ guest room at Sandringham – only to escape and make her way to the kitchen, with James later comforted by “Well, dogs will be dogs” from the late monarch.
James’ family has informed him that they are “deeply proud of him,” not just because of the book but also because of the journey I’ve taken and because I made the decision to share it so openly.
That said, he is very aware that some of his words have been incredibly difficult for them to read, especially for his mum and dad.
“To read about it in black and white wouldn’t have been easy for them because it’s incredibly difficult to watch your child go through any kind of pain or struggle.”
” But they’ve been incredibly supportive. They were so worried about how I would react after losing Ella, so I believe they knew I had to write the story to get me moving. But it was so healing in many ways. “
Ella, the late dog Lupo’s mother to Kate and William, passed away in January 2023, just before James and Alizee learned they were expecting their first child.
It was the realisation that his son Inigo, now 19 months, would never get to meet Ella that prompted James to record the memories that formed the basis of the book.
” That thought really hit me, “he says”. I began journaling every experience we had because I wanted Inigo to know Ella, so I began keeping notes of every moment we had. I wanted him to know the dog who introduced his father to his mother, and to understand just how extraordinary she was. Our lives were so firmly linked. She was a part of me as much as I was a part of her.
“That connection led to the natural development of the book. And I knew that if Ella’s story could bring someone else even a glimmer of hope, comfort or warmth, then telling it would be worth it. Why I was telling this story was what I was most concerned with. It wasn’t just about me, it was about the incredible bond we can have with animals, and how sometimes they reach us in ways that people can’t. I wished to honor Ella and that.
Putting pen to paper wasn’t easy and James admits he doesn’t think he could do it again.
“It was incredibly rewarding at the same time. Writing gave me a chance to process things in a new way. It wasn’t always simple for me to write down my thoughts. Having dyslexia, I struggled with the structure, so it was, at times, messy, but I had help from]co-writer] Frances Hardy to bring it all together”.
Seeing such an open and personal memoir from someone so closely connected to the royal family is a rare thing, and that fact isn’t lost on James.
He jokes that he finds writing a book to be entirely unrelated, which makes it more surprising.
“I often joke that if my old English teacher had been asked who was least likely to write a book, it would’ve been me, hands down!
It is humbling to have advanced this far and for the book to have become a bestseller. I think it has opened up some new conversations and helped people understand parts of my journey I hadn’t really spoken about before. In the best way, it has been overwhelming.
Writing about Ella’s death, on 7 January 2023, was undoubtedly the hardest topic for James.
I’ve come to the realization that grief is something you learn to embrace rather than just “get over.” It becomes part of you. I had a better sense of that by writing.
“It helped me honour Ella’s life, not just her death, and the massive imprint she left on me. I also hoped that someone else who is grieving might feel a little less alone because of the darker passages. In the end, the joy and the grief are intertwined. Without one, you can’t have one.
James says that acknowledging that he might be depressed was his first and perhaps most notable milestone in his journey toward mental health.
“The most major turning point was when I realised I could have depression”, he shares. James Middleton, who has a loving family and is unmarried, may be depressed. For a long time, I carried a lot of shame and embarrassment around how I was feeling, thinking, ‘ What did I have to be depressed about? ‘
For me to realize that depression is not a personal failing, I needed professional and personal assistance. It’s something that can happen to anyone, and it’s okay to ask for help. “
Another significant factor was that he had the right tools, such as Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, to gradually change his negative thought patterns.
He also praises Ella, because” she gave me a reason to get up, to go outside, to care”.
There isn’t a single breakthrough, it’s a process that goes on for a long time. But looking back, each step was part of me learning to live more honestly, and to accept help rather than hide from it. “
He doesn’t want the conversations to end here, though, and even cites the statistic that suicide is still the biggest killer of men under 50.
He claims, “It’s terrifying.” It tells us that too many men are still suffering in silence, feeling like they can’t speak up, or that they have to ‘ tough it out ‘ alone and that needs to change and the more people who can speak up about it helps reduce the stigma. We’re starting to talk about mental health in general and about the value of being vulnerable, reaching out, and asking for help, which is wonderful. But we’ve still got a long way to go. “
Now that he is the father of a young boy, James claims that he needs to start the conversations instead.
” I want Inigo to grow up knowing that emotions aren’t something to hide or be ashamed of, that there’s real strength in vulnerability and in being honest about how you feel, “he shares”. It’s more than acceptable to ask for help, and I hope he learns from me that it’s okay not to be okay.
“I want him to truly know who he is, to be proud of that person, and to thrive not because he has to fight for acceptance, but because the world around him embraces him exactly as he is. If my journey, and the way I’ve chosen to share it, plays even a small role in helping create that kind of world for him, then that’s something I’ll carry with immense pride.”
Meet Ella: The Dog Who Saved My Life (Radar) is out now in paperback, hardback, ebook and audio
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Source: Mirror
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