Retired Olympic diver Tom Daley reveals details of his relationship with Dustin Lance Black and why he was made to feel he should not come out as gay by his manager
Tom Daley made the first move on his now husband Dustin Lance Black – but was advised not to come out as gay by some managers advising his career.
The Olympic diving star, 31, reveals details of their relationship and explains why he came out in a YouTube video 11 years ago as part of a new documentary about his career.
He met Dustin Lance Black during a low point in his diving when he was suffering from a lack of confidence, but that didn’t stop him making a play for Lance.
Tom says: “I got to a really low point with my diving where I thought I wasn’t going to be able to keep going like I didn’t see the point in carrying on. Meeting Lance, he kind of inspired me to want to carry on. Inspired me to want to be great at what I do. He inspired me to want to be the best person that I could be. It was really special, because I think it was the first time that I realised that being attracted to men wasn’t just a sexual thing. I actually could fall in love with a man.”
Lance says: “My phone, he puts his number in, and when he hands it back and I look at it, he’s put a winky face at the end of his phone number. No heterosexual man has ever put a winky face at the end of their number when they give it to another dude!”
Explaining how they bonded, Lance adds: “The first things we started sharing were about the fact that he had, not so long ago lost his dad. I had not so long ago just lost my big brother, who was like my dad, because I never had that. I had recently won an Academy Award. He had won his first Olympic medal.
“We were able to share with each other the post accomplishment blues and devastation, the way that when you win something you only ever dreamed about, there’s something inside you that disassembles and has to be put back together, and that there’s almost no one on the planet you can share that with, because people think, Well, gosh, you should be so grateful.”
But the relationship was not straightforward as Tom was not out as gay at the time they met and his management seemed keen to keep things that way.
Tom explains: “I remember organising a party and telling my management he (Dustin Lance Black) was coming. They said to me, ‘Oh, be careful of being photographed with Lance, because, you know, he is, like, a really big LGBT activist. You don’t want people thinking that you’re gay’. And I was like, ‘oh, would that be so bad? Like, okay’. And then I was, like, suddenly filled with shame.“
He later adds: “We had all kinds of crisis meetings about how we were going to deal with this. You’re gonna lose all your sponsorship. You’re gonna lose all your fans. Like, how are you ever gonna be able to compete in the Middle East, in Russia, in all of these countries? Kind of filling me with like, fear about what I should and shouldn’t do.
“It’s a really scary thing to have to feel like you are a slave to the culture in the media that we have in the UK, which can be really quite scary, knowing that I was gay from the age of three years old, and constantly having to live my life as somebody else, and putting on this person that I wasn’t was exhausting, and that was when I decided to come out publicly.”
On the pressure Tom felt to not come out from his management, Lance says: “You’re mismanaging one of the most important parts of who this person is, their heart, their love, their future relationships and families. That’s mismanagement. That’s a dereliction of duty, and he (manager involved) should have been dropped.”
Speaking in Tom Daley 1.6 Seconds, the diver also says he feels free now of pressure having retired and is looking forward to new adventures with Lance and their sons Robbie and Phoenix. “Only time will tell what my next journey will be,” Tom says.
“But I’m sure it’ll be filled with just as many highs, just as many lows, but I know for right now, spending time with Lance, Robbie and Phoenix is my priority.
“After my dad died, I was trying to fill that void. Looking back on it all, I realised that not doing it just for myself, being able to do it for my friends, my family, my teammates, my country, gave me the determination that I needed to be able to get through my career. I’m excited to see what the future holds. What, me, my boys and Lance achieve in the future.”
Tom ended his career with five Olympic medals to his name and at least one of every type; bronze, silver and gold.
