Boys need role models not gaming and porn, Sir Gareth Southgate says

Sir Gareth Southgate says he believes that young men need better role models besides online influencers because they spend too much time watching porn, gambling, and gaming.

The former England men’s football manager discussed his own experience of missing a crucial penalty at Euro 1996 in a wide-ranging talk for the BBC’s annual Richard Dimbleby Lecture. He claimed he didn’t let it define him.

He continued, “I guess that pain still bothers me today,” and “I suppose it will always do so.”

Sir Gareth feared that many young men were looking for direction online rather than reaching out to teachers, sports coaches, or youth group leaders. He claimed there that they were discovering a novel role model that frequently overlooked their best interests.

These are manipulative, toxic, and callous influencers who only want to profit from themselves, he said.

Sir Gareth mentioned missing the crucial penalty for England’s defeat to Germany in the 1996 Euros semi-final.

In 2018, when England won the World Cup penalty shootout with Sir Gareth as manager, he contrasted his own miss with Eric Dier’s successful penalty kick against Colombia.

He claimed that England players had undergone a change of perspective over the course of the previous 22 years.

He said, “I had walked 30 yards to the penalty spot thinking I would miss.” Eric “thought he would score,” he said in 2018, “and had walked 30 yards to the penalty spot.”

He played for Crystal Palace, Aston Villa, Middlesbrough, and Middlesbrough for the entirety of Sir Gareth’s professional career, including between 1995 and 2004. In 2016, he assumed the role of manager and led the team to the 2020 and 2024 World Cup semi-final, 2022 World Cup quarter-final, and Euro finals.

He stepped down as manager in July, two days after England lost to Spain in the Euros.

The Richard Dimbleby Lecture, which has been held every year since 1972 in honor of the broadcaster, is the latest in a line of academics, business leaders, and other notable figures to do so.

In Sir Gareth’s speech, he cited three things that young men need to develop: identity, connection, and culture. He emphasized the value of belief and resilience for young men.

He referred to a report, released earlier this month by the Centre for Social Justice, which said boys and young men were “in crisis”, with a “staggering” increase in those not in education, employment or training.

In his speech, Sir Gareth said, “Too many young men are isolated.” Too many people “feel uneasy” talking to friends or family. Many don’t have mentors who can help them grow, be they teachers, coaches, or bosses. And so, when they struggle, young men inevitably attempt to deal with any circumstance alone.

He continued, “Young men always end up withdrawing, reluctant to talk to or express their emotions.” They “spend more time looking for direction online,” according to the statement, “and are resorting to unhealthy alternatives like gambling, porn, and gaming.”

He added that there aren’t enough opportunities for young men to fail and grow from their mistakes.

He said, “In my opinion, if we make life too easy for young boys right now, we will undoubtedly make it harder when they become young men.” Too many young men face failure because they have had so few opportunities to experience and manage it. Instead of trying, they fail.

The former football player also reflected on what his career has taught him about perseverance and belief.

He said, “Success is much more than the final score is what I’ve learned from my life in football. In the most difficult situations, “true success is how you respond.”