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In a city dominated by the coughs and splutters of Australian rules football teams the Fremantle Dockers and West Coast Eagles, the British and Irish Lions have been living in a bit of a parallel universe in Perth this past week.

The local media know what shifts newspapers – and it ain’t the tourists, no matter how much the rest of us are obsessing about them.

Pages of AFL, more pages on ABL (baseball), the Matildas football team, the latest from the racetracks at Northam and Bendigo, Hawkesbury and Mandurah.

And reams on new Australian athletics sprint sensation, the 17-year-old flying machine, Gout Gout. Blink and you’ll miss him, apparently.

In the Perth daily the West Australian on Friday, the Western Force versus the Lions commanded seven paragraphs on page 65 – and that was about rumours of Force wing Harry Potter doing the Evanesco vanishing spell and heading for the Waratahs next season.

No Lions player was mentioned. Wearing invisibility cloaks, the lot of them.

Down here in Australia there’s a world of awe-inspiring wonders to behold, natural and man-made totems so stunning they can make your jaw drop to the floor.

Which, in a rugby context, is a power that David Campese still possesses, in a way that’s part-Alan Partridge with a hint of David Brent.

At times, the once-great wing makes you stand back in bewilderment at some of the things that he’s prepared to commit to air or print, with a seemingly unembarrassable air.

He was at it after the Lions loss to Argentina and he’s been at it again since. Maro Itoje is “not a captain”, he thundered. Itoje is not in the squad for the Force game, but it’s a revelation that a fine leader is not actually a leader at all.

“I don’t know why you play [Marcus] Smith at full-back [against the Pumas], [Blair] Kinghorn is a far better player.” The only problem with that searing contribution is that Kinghorn is still with Toulouse, Campo.

“There’s no [Brian] O’Driscoll at 13,” he continued. Er, well spotted. Andy Farrell, he says, is playing rugby league tactics that could put him in a lot of trouble against the Wallabies. Hmm. Didn’t Farrell’s Ireland beat the Wallabies last autumn?

Campo, to be fair, is an equal opportunities assassin, turning his guns on Joe Schmidt for wanting to play “Joe Schmidt rugby.” As opposed to…

His musings are all part of a Lions show in Australia. Frankly, if he wasn’t piping up you’d be minded to check his pulse. None of what he says – or what anybody else on the outside says – matters, of course.

The only thing that counts now is performance. And if this tour is going to reach lift-off on Saturday then perform the Lions must.

It should be a soaring Lions win. That’s not being disrespectful to the Force, it’s being realistic. The Force finished ninth of 11 in Super Rugby this season, the lowest of the four Australian franchises.

“They’re hard to beat,” said Farrell. Not really. They won four, lost nine and drew one.

Farrell tried to talk them up, suggesting that they weren’t far away in Super Rugby and that nine losing bonus points tells you that they “don’t go away”. But they do, regularly. They actually only got four losing bonus points. They conceded 45 points in two games and more than 50 in three more.

Farrell has picked a stellar backline, with his industrious and clever wings, James Lowe and Mack Hansen, and a mouth-watering midfield with Sione Tuipulotu restored to inside centre with Garry Ringrose making his Lions debut outside him.

Finn Russell is at 10. Farrell spoke glowingly about the Scot on Friday. We’ve come a long way since the announcement of Johnny Sexton as part of the coaching ticket had people scurrying around wondering if this meant curtains for Russell. All is sweetness and light on that front.

Farrell wants his team to play with speed and imagination. There’s a mantra of heads-up rugby within a basic framework. That’s meat and drink to Russell. The way the Lions coaches have been talking it’s as if the vision of what’s to come is being built, in part, around the brilliance of the fly-half. We shall see.

“Finn’s ability to see space allows him to think quicker than most,” says Farrell. “He sees the whole picture. He’s the 10. He’s one of the generals.”

For Russell, this is a legacy tour, a probable last shot. He’s had a terrific and trophy-laden season with Bath.

The elan, the outrageous ability to unlock defences in ways that opponents just don’t see coming is alive and well, but his game management has caught up with his natural flair in recent years. He’s the complete 10.

It’s his third time with the Lions, but the other two were wholly unfulfilling – a member of the Geography Six in 2017 and a largely wasted asset in 2021 on possibly the dreariest Lions tour of the modern age. Covid didn’t help. Neither did the stifling, risk-averse, eye-bleeding stuff we witnessed in the Test series.

Russell’s cameo in the third Test against South Africa was the brightest spark, but now is the time he needs to catch fire.

He has everything he needs. Brilliant form. A fine pack to play behind. A strong backline around him and the Wallabies ahead of him.

He’s beaten them four times in a row with Scotland, once in Sydney in 2017 when he played one of his greatest games for his country. The two that he lost have been by a point both times. Nothing about the gold jersey, or any other jersey on this trip, should faze him.

The British and Irish Lions have been living in a bit of a parallel universe in Perth this past week, in a city rife with the coughs and splutters of Australian rules football teams like the Fremantle Dockers and West Coast Eagles.

No matter how much the rest of us care about them, the local media is aware of what presses change, and it’s not just the tourists.

Pages about AFL, more pages about ABL (baseball), the Matildas football team, and the newest entries from Northam and Bendigo, Hawkesbury and Mandurah.

and rehanes about the 17-year-old flying machine, a new Australian athletics sprint sensation, Gout Gout. You’ll miss him, it seems, if you blink.

The Western Force versus the Lions command seven paragraphs on page 65 of the Perth daily newspaper on Friday, including rumors that Harry Potter might have experienced the Evanesco vanishing spell before leaving for the Waratahs the following season.

No Lions player was mentioned. Wearing concealments, many of them.

There are a number of incredible natural and man-made wonders that can make your jaw drop to the floor in Australia, including a world that is unfathomable.

Which, in a way that resembles Alan Partridge with a hint of David Brent, is a quality that David Campese still possesses in rugby.

The once-great wing occasionally has a seemingly unremarkable air that makes you stand back in confusion at some of the things he’s prepared to do for air or print.

He has since resumed his work after the Lions’ loss to Argentina. He remarked with a bang that Maro Itoje is not a captain. Although it turns out that a good leader is not actually a leader at all when compared to the Force player, Itoje is not in the squad.

“I don’t know why you play [Marcus] Smith at full-back]versus the Pumas], but [Blair] Kinghorn is a much better player.” Kinghorn’s continued presence with Toulouse, Campo is the only drawback to that searing contribution.

He continued, “There is no]Brian] O’Driscoll at thirteen. Er, you’ve seen it. He claims that Andy Farrell is using rugby league strategies that could cause him a lot of trouble against the Wallabies. Hmm. The Wallabies were defeated by Farrell’s Ireland last autumn, right?

Campo is, to be fair, an assassin who targets Joe Schmidt for his “Joe Schmidt rugby” interests. versus …

His musings are included in an Australian Lions show. You’d be foolish to check his pulse if he weren’t, to be honest. Of course, nothing in his or anyone else’s words on the outside matters.

Performance is the only thing that currently counts. Perform the Lions Must if this tour is going to begin on Saturday.

A soaring Lions victory is expected. That is being realistic rather than disrespectful to the Force. The Force, one of four Australian franchises, finished the season with a Super Rugby score of ninth out of 11.

They are “hard to beat,” asserted Farrell. Really, not. They won four, lost nine, and drawn one.

Farrell attempted to persuade them that they weren’t far off in Super Rugby and that receiving nine losing bonus points proves that they “don’t go away.” But they frequently do. There were only four losing bonus points, in reality. In two games, they gave up more than 50 points, and in three more.

With Sione Tuipulotu restored inside center and Garry Ringrose making his Lions debut outside of him, Farrell has chosen a stellar backline with his diligent and clever wings, James Lowe and Mack Hansen.

At ten, Finn Russell is. On Friday, Farrell elatedly praised the Scot. People have long since been wondering if Johnny Sexton’s inclusion on the coaching ticket meant anything, especially since we’ve come a long way. On that front, everything is light and sweet.

Farrell wants his team to play creatively and quickly. Within a fundamental framework, there is a game of heads-up rugby. To Russell, that means meat and drink. According to the Lions coaches, the vision of what lies ahead is being partially based on the fly-half’s brilliance. We’ll see.

Finn can think more quickly than most people, according to Farrell. He comprehends everything. He’s the 10. He belongs to the “generals” category.

This is a likely last chance, in Russell’s opinion. He excelled at Bath and won numerous awards.

His game management has lost track of his natural flair in recent years, but his outrageous ability to unlock defenses in ways that opponents simply don’t see coming is alive and well. He ranks among the top ten.

He joined the Lions for third time in 2017, but his first two were completely unfulfilling: he was a Geography Six member in 2017 and a largely wasted asset during the Lions’ most gloomy tour of the modern era in 2021. Covid was ineffective. The stifling, risk-averse, and bleeding-eye stuff from the Test series was not attained either.

The most impressive moment cameo from Russell in the third Test against South Africa, but now it’s time for him to shine.

He has everything in order. Brilliant in every way. A fantastic pack to support. A strong wallabies’ defense and a strong backline behind him.

He has defeated Scotland four times in a row, including one of his best games for his country in Sydney in 2017. Both of his losses were a pointless. He shouldn’t be alarmed by the gold jersey or any other jerseys from this trip.

Mack Hansen couldn’t stop himself from reflecting on the lessons learned from last Friday night’s defeat by Argentina and looking forward to his first start for the British and Irish Lions against Western Force on Saturday.

An arresting line from a compelling character, “The only team that can beat us is us,” he says. “We’re going to let us down if we’re not on it and we’re not doing things to the best of our ability.”

You couldn’t tell from Hansen’s demeanor when he spoke about it that he had a strong impact when he came off the bench against Argentina. The Ireland wing is undoubtedly laid-back, but only a small percentage of who he is thanks to his eccentricity and relaxed personality.

He also has a deadly seriousness. We lost, so it was a really strange feeling because I’ve officially become a Lion, which is incredible and everything. Regardless of the team you’re playing, we are four of the best in the world.

The ACT Brumbies team, which includes his former house-mate Bayley Kuenzle, who starts on the bench for the hosts in Perth, will start with the Australian-born winger starting on Saturday against the Force, a team that includes three of his old friends from the ACT Brumbies.

Hansen’s self-assured attitude is widely praised, but he also reveals a different side. Does he experience anxiety? Will he be concerned before leaving Saturday’s Optus Stadium?

He says, “Definitely, yeah, yeah,” “yes.” I can’t even eat anything, you know, before the game. You have butterflies, you feel sick, and you are undoubtedly carrying all of that, but you are aware that this is the best job there is. I’d rather be in the moment than waiting for them to vanish.

To be honest, anyone who claims they don’t feel anxious is lying. Because there are so many things at stake, playing at those levels is exactly what comes with doing so. There is a meaning to it.

Hansen, 27, has an odd side. He doesn’t score try-scorers very often for his wing. Only once has he ever been an elite player with double-figures. He is not very tall, he isn’t very quick by modern standards, and he isn’t as powerful as many people think. He is not exactly a physical specimen.

However, his entire package is a remarkable package. The secret is in his intelligence. Andy Farrell, his Ireland and Lions coach, enjoys that aspect of it. His game awareness, his decision-making, his work ethic, his sense of space, and his adage, “Do you know what you’re doing right at the right time” are all traits.

“I suppose the other guys, Tommy Freeman, and James Lowe,” would be a little quicker and more aggressive than I am. Simply put, that’s not my style. I make an effort to assist wherever I can, whether that means getting the ball in my hands, playing back, or anything else.

My main focus is on my off-the-ball work, which is why I do it so frequently. Keep working, and wherever I can, try to be as interested in the game. That is a modest assessment. Hanzen is an exceptional player.

He makes some interesting observations about the players’ likely mindsets for Saturday in the Force. That team will undoubtedly be able to prepare for that when you’re facing a large team like ours, he says.

They only have one game until vacation. You can improve. No, we don’t expect anything simple. They aren’t playing the Force this week, and they are saying, “All right, boys, let’s go out here and lose by 40.”

They believe we can cause an uproar, they say.

similar to what the Brumbies did in June 2013. The Canberra boys won 14-12 after Tevita Kuridrani scored the only try.

Hansen, who was born and raised in Canberra and has an Irish mother, recalls, “I was at the Brumbies game and the Brumbies beat the Lions.”

“Things do occur,” he declared. I vividly recall the excitement surrounding that tour, seeing these players you never really get to see. It just seemed so amazing to me and was cool. I’m actually living a dream right now that it’s here and I’m doing it.

Once upon a time, Brumbies’ victory was a glorious memory, but now he’s turning it into a salutary tale and an experience to keep his toes afloat. Fear of failure can be suffocating, but when used wisely, it can be a powerful force for good.

“I attended the Brumbies game with my dad and my brother.” He claims that we were seated in the backseat. You don’t expect anyone to actually do it, so it was a mad thing. Afterward, I spoke with some guys who were enthusiastic about that. They had spent weeks anticipating that game.

Hansen anticipates that the Force will not change. This is a chance for them to bounce back from a bad season, and it’s a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to turn over the Lions.